Curmudgeon's Cave

Eclectic Observations and Opinions from the Webmaster

The Price of Dignity

(Here's a story told to me by Jerry West, a former business associate).

"The morning sun cast long shadows across the city street as it climbed above the horizon. An old vendor stood behind his modest cart of eggs, his weathered hands resting gently on its wooden edge.

He had been there since dawn, watching people hurry past, their eyes never meeting his. Not a single egg had been sold.

Hope flickered in his tired eyes when a well-dressed woman approached his cart.

"How much?" she asked, her voice sharp with purpose.

"Fifty cents an egg, madam," he replied softly, his dignity wrapped around him like a threadbare cloak.

"Six eggs for two dollars," she countered, "or I'm leaving."

The threat hung in the air between them, heavy with implication.

He looked down at his cart, the eggs that represented his livelihood, independence, and dignity.

"Buy them at the price you want, madam," he said quietly. "I haven't sold any today. I need this sale to live."

The lady left with her eggs and victory, never seeing how her triumph dimmed the light in the old man's eyes.

Later that same day, the scene shifted to a restaurant where crystal glasses caught the light and white tablecloths gleamed like fresh snow. The same woman sat with a friend, ordering dishes with casual indifference. When the bill came -- $150 for food largely left uneaten -- she handed over $200 with a flourish.

"Keep the change," she smiled at the owner, who hardly needed her generosity.

Two transactions.

Two choices.

Two very different expressions of power.

But there's another story weaving through these streets, one that unfolds regularly before the children's wondering eyes. They watch their father, a man of modest means, approach vendors similar to our egg seller.

Time after time, his children see him pay more than the asking price, sometimes for items they don't even need.

Puzzled by this pattern, they finally ask him why.

His answer comes soft but sure, a lesson wrapped in four simple words that hold the weight of mountains:

"It's charity wrapped in dignity."

These four simple words - "charity wrapped in dignity" - invite us to pause and reflect.

These words echo far beyond their moment, asking us to examine our choices, our expressions of power and generosity.

Why do we haggle with those who can least afford to lose, yet casually overpay those who already have plenty?

Why do we measure our victories in the defeats of others?

What moments in our own lives echo these scenes? When have we witnessed power wielded harshly, or seen kindness preserve someone's dignity?

Every street corner, every transaction, every interaction holds a story. Some we've lived, some we've witnessed, and some we've created. Each one shapes not just our world, but our understanding of what it truly means to be human.

Do we measure our worth by what we can take, or by what we can preserve in others?

What experiences have shaped your view of dignity, power, and generosity? What stories would you share? And what possibilities might open up if we all took a moment to listen to each other's answers?

Rock on."

Which Way Will You Go?

Bullying: Obedience vs. Courage?

Have you ever had an entity or individual attempt to coerce you into doing something or stop you from doing something? Especially if that coercion is detrimental to your interests?

And did they threaten to cause trouble for someone you care about if you don't obey their command?

I had this happen to me recently. I won't name names so let me draw an analogy.

The Chinese government uses intimidation and coercion to exact obedience from its populace by increasing their fear of retribution. A school bully does exactly the same thing. Ditto for certain political figures.

When a person or entity in a position of power uses intimidation or coercion against someone less powerful, it is nothing more than bullying. But the power of a bully is contingent upon the fear of the recipient.

In Chinese, there is an idiom to describe how their government operates: "qi'ruan pa'ying", or "bully the weak and fear the strong".

Obedience to a bully seems like the easy way out. But not really. Obedience comes from a place of weakness, not strength. Rarely are you better off by doing what the bully tells you, because it's an open invitation for additional coercion.

At some point, we hopefully muster up the courage to stand up for ourselves.

Where Are You Today?

Nutritional Supplement Prices Going Up?

The recent Trump tariff announcements will probably increase the cost of nutritional supplements and Chinese medicinal formulas that you utilize to maintain your good health.

One of my suppliers expects prices to generally increase by 30% to 75%. They suggest you consider purchasing a 6 to 12 month supply before pricing changes.

There are important changes happening in the supplement industry. The supplier said that after recent reviews and conversations with manufacturers, suppliers, and labs across the U.S., it’s become clear that many well-known supplement brands are facing increasing production costs.

This includes everything from bottles and labels to cotton, ink, and packaging materials. While U.S. manufacturers are working to ramp up production to meet demand, these changes may lead to noticeable price increases industry-wide over the next month or two.

In some cases, you might see this reflected as higher prices. In others, it could appear as smaller product sizes or reduced ingredient amounts, without much notice.

I have a particular concern about herbal products and formulas used in Chinese Medicine. Most of these come from China. Chinese suppliers will be under tremendous pressure to cut costs. One area where they can cut costs is to reduce the quality of the input ingredients without changing the label of the product.

It makes a big difference how the botanical is grown, harvested and cured. Secondly, the part of the botanical that is used in the product is crucial; there is a huge variability in efficacy and cost whether the leaf, stem, twigs, berry or root is used – because each section of a plant contains different types and amounts of nutrients.

For example, a Chinese producer could say there is 500 mg of XYZ in the product, without telling you that they took out 400 mg of XYZ leaf extract and substituted it with much cheaper and much less efficacious 400 mg of the root. Don’t forget – no government agency such as the FDA is checking these product for quality or toxicity.

Ask your naturopathic doctor, Chinese medical doctor or acupuncturist for advice on reputable suppliers for materials you put into your body.

Tremorous Old Man Checks My Groceries

I was in a bit of rush at Ballard Market. I had assembled everything on my list and had to get home to fix dinner. Heading to the checkout area, there were 3 lanes available, all with the same number of people in line. 

Since I'm an expert at picking the fastest checkout line, I lined up in Lane #3.

Suddenly, the woman in front of me moved over to another lane. I could hardly believe my good luck. Or was it just my skill and picking the fastest line?

As I got closer to the checkout counter, I saw why the lady in front of me had moved away.

The checker was a man, between 65-70 years old, methodically moving one item at a time over the scanner and then sliding it to his left. Similar to a slow-moving repetitive robot. There was no bagger to help him. He was chewing gum slowly in rhythm with the movement of his arms and hands. He was expressionless. 

When he encountered an unscannable item, he would very carefully note the item and make sure he entered the correct SKU.

You know how incredibly fast a twenty-something can check groceries. My elderly guy was about half as fast.

And that's not all. He had a noticeable tremor in both hands. I wasn't sure whether he also had a head tremor. He tended to use his left hand more than his right. When his right hand was not in use, he gripped the edge of his counter to stop the tremor.

He was stoic, did not make much eye contact and was mildly pleasant. 

As he begin to scan my groceries, I said, "Hi Michael". He raised his head and looked my in the eye, with the slightest hint of a smile. I bagged own groceries. When I left, I said: "Thanks, Michael".

So here's my question. Why is a nearly elderly man with a tremor working as a checker, which is not the easiest job in the world?

Because he just loves to do it? I don't think so. And kudos to Ballard Market for hiring him in the first place.

This episode reminded me to be very observant of my surroundings -- and to respond to the moment at hand. And to regard every person in a grocery store with compassion and patience. I'm not the only one with problems and obligations.

As for Michael's tremor, I would guess it to  "essential tremor" as distinguished from Parkinson's. Either way, it is not good. 

Both disorders involve the cerebellothalamocortical circuit, but different mechanisms are at play. Essential tremor often involves both upper limbs, which describes Michael.

Incidentally, my wife had essential tremor a number of years ago. The doctors said there was nothing to do about it.

We then took a different route, by detoxifying the brain of toxic metals. Her tremors disappeared and have not returned. 

What Happened to this Website?

On March 24, senior center management summoned Bill and the Collaboration Group to present a verbal demand: Remove the terms "Phinney Neighborhood Center", "PNA", "Greenwood senior center", "GSC", and "Greenwood men's group" from this site. They also said: "You cannot have this site".

This meeting was followed up with a written demand on March 26 that stated: "the website cannot continue as a site for the Greenwood Men's Group". 

The demand letter concluded: "...is it more important to keep the website or remain with the Phinney Neighborhood Association and Greenwood Senior Center? If a decision is made by consensus that the group would like to keep the website, Bruce can communicate with PNA Leadership directly and we can finalize the decision from there."  

In simple terms, either get rid of or emasculate the site -- or risk disbarment of the men's group from PNA.

Some might view this as intimidation or coercion. Or perhaps take a dim view of the threat of expulsion of the men's group from GSC/PNA as a lever to bend the site to their wishes.

No Compromises. No Negotiation.

In any case, not wanting to jeopardize the status of the men's group with GSC/PNA, the webmaster has made substantial modifications to this site to make it very clear it is not the "official" site of the Greenwood men's group, nor is it affiliated with PNA.

Are Your Affairs in Order?

You don't when your number is up. Could be ten years from now, or next week.

Regardless, I hope you have your affairs in order.

Here's why. You just heard about the airplane collision in Washington DC. where everyone died.

Well, let me to you a near-miss similar story.

It was a typical gloomy January 2000 in Seattle. My partner and I decided to visit Yelapa, a tiny town south of Puerta Vallarta in Mexico.  We took Alaska Airlines Flight 261 on a MD-83 aircraft to and from our destination. 

We had a wonderful time!  We rented a palapa, ate fantastic food, went kayaking and snorkeling.  Since a palapa has no walls, butterflies and birds were continually flying back and forth as we ate breakfast or lounged on the sofa. The bed was suspended from the ceiling so that scorpions would not climb into bed with us. The "bathroom" was entirely outdoors, with a magnificent view over a canyon of lush vegetation.

But I digress.

Two weeks after our return, Flight 261 (and the same plane I was on) fell into the sea off of southern California on its return flight from Puerta Vallarta.

This is what it sounded like in the cockpit. I can't imagine what it was like in the passenger cabin.

The accident killed all 88 on board: two pilots, three cabin crew members, and 83 passengers.

It was only sheer luck I was not on that particular flight. Had we scheduled our trip two weeks later, the lives of me and my partner would have been snuffed out 25 years ago.

Back then, I had no absolutely no plans for my demise, thinking that I would get around to it "some day".

Since then, I've had the common sense to create a proper will, health care power of attorney and all the rest.

What about you? Have you done the same, so that your loved ones won't have to deal with a mess if you can't take care of yourself or die?

If you don't have any end-of-life plans, you might want to check out The Conversation Project. Thanks to Rich for bringing this to our attention.

1/29/25:  Random Acts of Kindness

Do you remember our last discussion meeting when we shared a critical decision or event that shaped our lives? And when Bruce talked about the barefooted girl?

Bruce was walking to work in downtown Seattle when he passed a barefoot girl on the sidewalk, obviously homeless. It was a chilly day in October. Something caused Bruce to pause and turn back to the girl.

He escorted the girl to shelter at the YMCA and gave her a granola bar before proceeding on to work.

We call this a "random act of kindness". Imagine our world if everyone acted this way.

I think sometimes we're so preoccupied or busy that we don't go out of our way to commit an act of kindness. We may have the impulse but not actually act on it.

To illustrate the power of random kindness, I'm going to recite a story from Jerry West, a former business associate.  It's a long story but worth a read.

How a Random Act of Kindness Saved a Life - A Decade Later

It started with desperation and a plea for help.

In 2014, as my oldest son lay in a hospital bed recovering from a suicide attempt, I made an unusual request. Instead of the customary "thoughts and prayers" for my son, I asked people to do something different -- something active, something real.

I asked them to perform a RAK -- a Random Act of Kindness to a stranger. Not just opening a door or offering a quick "thank you," but something that required genuine effort, something that might make a stranger's day fundamentally different.

The response was staggering.

Stories poured in, each a testament to humanity's capacity for compassion. But one story, in particular, stands as a monument to the raw power of reaching out to another human being.

Before I share it, though, I want to issue you a challenge. Not a gentle suggestion or a polite request, but a full-throated dare: Perform a Random Act of Kindness every day until you die.

It doesn't have to be grandiose. Maybe you spot an elderly person wrestling with their garbage can at the curb and pull over to help. You could cover someone's coffee when frantically patting their pockets for a forgotten wallet. Or maybe -- you sit next to a stranger at lunch and engage in conversation deeper than the weather.

Every day, the universe presents you with at least one opportunity to serve others. Usually, you let it slide by with a convenient excuse.

Not anymore. From now on, you'll seize these moments like they're the last lifeboat off a sinking ship.

Now, here's the story I promised.

Picture this: A busy professional emerges from a downtown deli, sandwich in hand, mind racing through the afternoon's project deadlines. They're heading back to their office, planning to work through lunch, when they spot a young man in his twenties sitting alone on a bench, headphones firmly in place -- the universal "do not disturb" signal.

Just as they're about to pass by, my voice echoes in their head: "Do a RAK a day..."

Against every introverted fiber of their being, they sit down next to the young man, open their lunch bag, and -- without a word -- extend half their sandwich toward him.

The young man pulls out his headphones. "What are you doing?!?!"

"I'm offering you half my sandwich," they reply. "No one can say no to a sandwich, and I could use the company."

That last part was a complete lie. They didn't want company. They'd rather eat glass than initiate a conversation with strangers. This simple act was one of the hardest things they'd ever done.

But they sat there anyway, sharing fifteen minutes of genuine conversation. Nothing superficial -- real talk between two humans. When the sandwich was gone, they thanked the young man for his time and returned to their office.

Weeks later, while unwinding with a glass of wine and the evening news, they caught a segment about rising suicide rates in the area. The usual experts appeared -- the mayor, a psychiatrist -- and then came a community member, face blurred, voice altered.

"I had made up my mind to take my life that day," the disguised figure said. "I was spending one last time in my favorite spot, a bench in the square, listening to my playlist. This stranger sat next to me, gave me half their sandwich, and we just talked. No one had talked to me before."

The wine glass slipped from their fingers, shattering on the floor as recognition dawned.

"I didn't go through with it because of that person, and I have no idea who it was. I just wanted to say thank you, and I'm doing great now."

The reporter closed with words that still echo today: "Just one small act of kindness saved a life."

RAK it. Every. Single. Day.

Your simple act of kindness might be the lifeline someone else is desperately seeking.

Rock on, Jerry West

We don't know how Bruce's "random act of kindness" altered the barefoot girl's life. For all we know, his small act could have given her enough push in the right direction to help her reclaim her future. And equally important was the effect on Bruce, the giver of the kindness.

1/28/25: One Man's Grief

This article is a corollary to the Grief article posted elsewhere on our site.

It seems that we experience occasional episodes of grief throughout our lives, for one reason or another.

One kind of grief that I've experienced more than once is the loss of my closest male friends. One of them was Jerry, who died an awful death in 2015 from pancreatic cancer.

Bill, Jerry and Steph at Jerry's Celebratory Sendoff Before He Died

Jerry and I were in a men's group for a number of years. We had some good times together and really enjoyed each other's company. Jerry was gracious, self-effacing, artistic, had a sense of humor and was an incredible storyteller. And a bit of a Mountain Man in some ways. He was always concerned about my welfare.

He spent his childhood in rural upper Michigan, living above a general store that his folks operated. They were poor. Jerry became adept at trapping muskrats for money. How many people do you know who had to trap muskrats to make ends meet?

After a career in the Navy and a few other lines of work, Jerry because an architect for Starbucks, where he was literally twice as productive as the younger generations in the group.

Upon retirement, he became a watercolorist. He developed a phenomenal portfolio of wildlife and outdoor scenes, especially ducks. God only knows what happened to his portfolio after he died.

Jerry and I spoke several times about having some adventures together, as soon as I retired. We looked forward to spending some time in Mexico.

Jerry on a Beach in Mexico

Well, as it turned out, he died before I retired. So our Mexican adventures never happened.

If you still have an unfulfilled dream, what are you waiting for? 

So instead of Mexican sojourns, I spent my final year with Jerry accompanying him on his terminal cancer journey. Aside from spending time with him personally, I spent well over a thousand hours scouring the medical literature for some clue -- anything at all -- that might put the stop to his "incurable" cancer. I felt compelled to put aside my life and try to help him in some way.

Long story short, I failed. But I did the best I was capable of, for my best friend.

It's been ten years since he died. Whenever I think about him, I feel quite sad and choke up. My solace is that I have one of his paintings on the wall in my office. So in a way, his spirit is still with me.

Bill

The mission of of seattleseniormen.com and greenwoodmensgroup.com is to provide a supportive environment where men from diverse backgrounds can foster camaraderie, develop friendships, share wisdom, enrich one another's lives -- and contribute to all Seattle communities, including Greenwood, Ballard, Crown Hill, Fremont, Green Lake, Licton Springs, Loyal Heights, Magnolia, Phinney Ridge, Ravenna, Sunset Hill, Wallingford, Wedgwood, Whittier Heights and beyond.

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