Have You Been to a Death Café Recently?

Rich attended a "Death Café" meeting the other day and found it to be very interesting.

A Death Café is a discussion group where people gather to openly and compassionately talk about death, often over tea and cake. The goal is to increase awareness of death, decrease stigma, and help participants make the most of their lives.

Should Senior Men Talk About Death?

At our age, we’re all well aware our Life Clock is ticking. Before too many more years, we will have reached the end of the trail.

Is this something you ever think about? Or talk about with your family and friends?

Or are you choosing to ignore the prospect of death and tell yourself you will cross that bridge when you get to it?

Should the Greenwood Men's Group Hold a Death Café?

Wouldn't talking about death be an informative way to spend some time?

If you agree, contact our facilitator or a Collaboration Group representative.  Let's see if we can schedule a café.

Here is a guideline for developing a Death Café.

What the Death Café Is About

Not Therapy: Death Cafés are not grief counseling or therapy groups; they provide a space for open discussion and shared curiosity about death.

Purpose: Death Cafés aim to create a safe and comfortable space for people to discuss death and dying without judgment.

Format: The format is usually informal, often salon-style, with participants sharing their thoughts and experiences.

No Pressure: Death Cafés are not about pushing any particular viewpoint or solution; instead, they encourage open and respectful dialogue.

Principles: Death Cafés are held in accessible and respectful spaces, and have no agenda to lead people to any conclusion.

Open to Everyone: Death Cafes are open to anyone interested in discussing death, regardless of their religious or philosophical beliefs.

Example topics: Discussions may cover various aspects of death, such as what happens after death, rituals, end-of-life care, wills, obituaries, and advanced directives.

End-of-Life Care

Before you die, do you know who will be taking care of you, if you need it?

To explore this issue further, read our article about The Conversation Project.

How to Prepare to Die

When you go on vacation, you prepare for the trip, right? You arrange your transportation and destination. You pack your bags with appropriate clothing and supplies. You schedule recreational activities. You invite family or friends. And so forth.

Yet, when it come to death, why is it that we don't prepare for it? We know for a certainty that we will die, possibly in the near future. Death is our "eternal vacation". So it makes sense that we would spend as much time preparing for our death as we would spend on preparing for a vacation in Hawaii.

In addition to attending a Death Café, you might consider exploring some books or podcasts on the subject.

One book that came to my attention is "Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition" by Andrew Holecek. You don't have to be a Buddhist to get something of value from reading his book.

The book is a comprehensive reference manual, an encyclopedia of death -- but aims to be simple and practical. The subject matter is given in a condensed and direct style, which accords with the concentrated intensity of experience at death. It is a gathering of information you can turn to when you need it the most. The book does not offer many personal stories and anecdotes that, while helpful in making a text more readable, can seem superfluous in times of need. The book is divided into two parts: spiritual preparation and practical preparation.

The author often refers to "bardos", a term probably unfamiliar to you. Bardo is a Tibetan word meaning “gap” or “intermediate state.” It refers to the gap or space we experience between any two states. 

There are typically six bardos that describe our conscious experience, one of which is the bardo of dying. The bardo of dying begins when the physical and mental processes of the body begin to dissolve at the onset of death and continues until the physical body has entirely ceased to function.

Psychological Issues to Face When You Know You Are Going to Die

Death Anxiety and Fear

• Intense fear, sadness, anger, and grief are common emotional responses when individuals are reminded of their mortality or face the unknown aspects of death.
• The uncertainty about what death entails and fear of pain or suffering before dying can cause significant distress and anxiety, often leading to a loss of hope and reduced quality of life.

Depression, Demoralization, and Loss of Meaning

• Depression and demoralization frequently occur, especially in those with terminal illness, and are linked to a desire to hasten death, loss of control, and low self-worth.
• Loss of meaning and purpose in life is a strong clinical marker for psychological distress near the end of life.

Coping Mechanisms and Denial

• Some individuals use psychological denial, focusing on past positive experiences or imagining recovery, as a way to escape overwhelming emotions.
• Avoidant coping and experiential avoidance can lead to maladaptive psychological responses.

Feeling Like a Burden

• Many terminally ill individuals experience guilt, shame, and worry about being a burden to loved ones, which can motivate wishes to die or complicate relationships.

Existential and Relational Distress

• Existential distress, including fear of non-existence and loss of control, is common.
• Attachment insecurity and poor communication with caregivers or clinicians can exacerbate feelings of isolation and anxiety.

Facing Death

Facing imminent death brings a complex mix of psychological challenges, including death anxiety, depression, loss of meaning, denial, and relational distress. Addressing these issues through targeted psychological and existential support is crucial for improving quality of life and emotional well-being at the end of life.

The mission of of seattleseniormen.com and greenwoodmensgroup.com is to provide a supportive environment where men from diverse backgrounds can foster camaraderie, develop friendships, share wisdom, enrich one another's lives -- and contribute to all Seattle communities, including Greenwood, Ballard, Crown Hill, Fremont, Green Lake, Licton Springs, Loyal Heights, Magnolia, Phinney Ridge, Ravenna, Sunset Hill, Wallingford, Wedgwood, Whittier Heights and beyond.

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